Narcissists run a program on us. It is always identical in structure, yet the details differ as they purr-son-EL-lies their persona to adapt to each new victim. Narcs mirror you, all your emotions and good qualities in the beginning of the relationshit, making you feel like you are the only thing that matters in the world to them. Then they eventually start treating you like your wants and needs don’t matter to them, as they never truly did from day one. It’s all an illusion of attention and Love Bombing to trick you into believing you have found “The One.” Grooming you for the abuse they are preparing to unleash on you in an attempt to DIStroy you and drain you of your Ess-sense with Death by 1000 cuts.
As time passes and you get firmly trapped in their wwweb of lies, the sterility of their cold hearts starts revealing itself. You begin to notice the creepy lack of expression in their faces, their lack of ability to genuinely laugh, smile or cry, and the lack of any real emotion in their sunken eyes. Their DISconnection in sex and their shift of focus from you onto the importance of their own lives and what they do.
We soon loose all our hobbies, finances, family and friends and become isolated, while they continue DIStroying our happiness and self esteem. They hate our happiness or interests and strive on bringing us and everything important to us down, to turn us into a watered down version of ourselves as we loose our individual sense of self, meaning and purpose.
We try to make them happy, but anything we do is just expected of us and they start making us feel like they are doing everything for us and we do nothing for them. Anything they do for us gets put in their memory bank of what we owe them and always gets thrown back in our faces if we dare to set a boundary or question their endless lies. The more they do for us, the more they think they have invested in us and the outcome of this is that they think they then own us. Everything we believe is mutual kindness, helping or appreciation in the relationshit is viewed purely as a transaction to them.
They always think we are lying to them, because they are always lying to us. So they spy on us and stalk us to try and catch the tiniest contradiction in what we say or do, so they can deflect their guilt onto us and keep everything focused on our short comings, not theirs.
Our minds get rewired by the insidious subtle trauma we fail to perceive as we have been tricked into believing that the fault is our own, so we accept their abuse. The trauma bond becomes so confusing that it starts taking a toll on our minds and health and we ignorantly hand over our souls, in the hope that giving our all will make the relationshit shift back to how it was at the beginning. But this only serves to make them feel more powerful and in control, and the imbalance worsens, as does the lying, gaslighting and deception.
The controlling behavior they inflict makes us second guess ourselves and we forget who we really are and the person we once were. We get drained of all our positive qualities, which they copy and paste onto their false persona, and our confidence, along with all our dreams for the future, eventually get eroded away.
All the dreams you have to build together never come to fruition, as you sit by watching them invest in themselves, with the help of your creative energy by their side. They continue to Future Fake, telling you that one day what you desire will be done, but for now, “let’s concentrate on building me so I can one day fulfill your dreams.”
We become lonely, depressed, anxious and insecure inside a supposedly supportive relationship and do not feel seen or heard. This eventually leads us to seek connection with others and that is precisely the moment they are waiting for. When you seek external connection, they perceive it as infidelity, even though they have been fking others and have had a harem of other supply since day one. “How dare you give your time or attention to another who is giving time and attention to you! You must stay in your box with me as your Master and reside in your life as a ghost that is only allowed validation when I see fit to validate you!”
We become worried about our lives because we feel ourselves dying inside and outside and have no escape, because we have been isolated. We feel like a worthless empty shell of ourselves and sense our soul blackening. At this point, we get a taste of what it feels like to be a narcissist. Having had our Ess-sense temporarily drained from us and their poison seep into us in its place, we feel like what they are and start reacting in the same evil, inhumane, DISrespectful, selfish, and immature ways like them. Then they turn around and start accusing us of all that they are, because they have infected us into becoming like them and that’s when the soul exchange is complete. You can start to expect the DIScard any day from that point on, as there is nothing more they can steal from you and the transfer of their toxic guilt and shame onto you is complete.
This is the way it feels to live the miserable life of a narcissist. Their true empty selves are what we end up feeling, but they can never truly perceive what it is like to be us, try as they might. We become so alone and emotionless that our soul actually start withering. We just want true love, honest communication, real affection and attention, but we subconsciously end up mirroring back to them who THEY really are.
They love this end mirroring stage, yet hate it at the same time. They love that they have nearly DIStroyed you, yet hate seeing the truth of what they are reflected back at them in your eyes. They now see someone who is nearly dead inside, who has lost all empathy and love and become a flatlined soul. We flip from giving all of ourselves with love, to not caring about their wants and needs anymore because they have taken all we have to give. We are no longer in love with them and literally can’t stand them, let alone be sexually attracted to them. We turn into how they truly felt about us the whole time, then eventually reach indifference. They hate us so much that they pretended to love us to get the opportunity to try and DIStroy us.
We begin to hate and despise them and reflect back at them how they always felt about us. They were never really listening to our feelings or needs in the relationshit, only in as much as to know them to use them against us. They never told us theirs deepest feelings, because they were there to DIStroy us, that was always their in-tension from the get go. For years, all we were wanting and trying to do was to talk to them about the importance of being on the same team with our truth and all our important life decisions, while they never commit their heart to our feelings, as they have no ability to.
They don’t have the understanding of what it takes for a relationship to be successful and always growing. Any change in you, from their perceived way you should be, is taken as a personal affront to them. Why they often give the reason “you’ve changed” as being the fault of the relationship failing. You must remain the eye-doll they projected onto you as being the first time they met you. Any inner growth or self seeking to better yourself is not allowed, as they risk you maturing into your true self and DIScovering that you deserve so much more than the trauma, lies and manipulation you receive from them.
Everything is always a competition with them. They are always extremely envious and jealous of our talents and what others have that they don’t. They wish they had our good qualities because we are capable of finding true love and happiness in our lives. But only with others like ourselves, not them.
They eventually DIScard us when we unknowingly start mirroring back to them who they are. Or they make it so insufferable that we leave them. They like the 2nd option the most, as it allows them to play the victim to others and helps solidify the Smear Campagne they have been playing out behind our back for a long time.
At the DIScard is when you finally see their mask fully slip and they reveal all the hate they really had for you. It is Beauty and the Beast inverted. They revile in our pain at our weakest moment and try to fully break us as they inflict ice cold calculated attacks to our most vulnerable emotional places. This is their favorite stage of the relationshit and they relish it. Our feelings mean nothing to them and the entire relationshit was to get you to that exact point in the hope that you will commit suicide.
They up the anti of lies, devaluation and gaslighting to intensify the trauma to the maximum, so if you do suicide, they get away with soul theft. They are then free to walk the Earth projecting your good qualities they stole from you as their own, never to have you expose them for the frauds they really are.
They know that they sucked all the life they could out of you and the relationshit and that it’s time for them to jump straight onto a new ‘host’ that they can vampire from. To protect their false sence of self, they never let their mask slip with others and smear campagne us, telling others we did to them all that they actually did to us.
Then, one day, after a long period of flatline and continual post DIScard abuse, we slowly get the strength to stand the fk up for ourselves and start fighting back. All the hate they poured into us we vomit back out onto them. We remove every last drop of their poison from ourselves and inject it all back into the filthy narc flesh vessel that it all came from. This is the last dose of supply they will ever get from us, but it is poisoned with all the toxicity they filled us with.
That’s the only closure you get, the purging of their poison from you back into them, after you finally wake up to the truth of their fake persona and nonsense life and the trauma bond finally begins to break as the roles reach the point of full inversion. Them playing victim to the Reactive Abuse they trigger in you.
The one who seeks control of us in the beginning of the relationshit, is the one at the end that looses control and gets everything they can’t control mirrored right back at them from us. They come into the relationshit as their fake selves mirroring our genuine true self and then they leave us or we leave them, and they are exposed as their Demonic true selves. Our damaged minds still struggle with the false implanted idea that our true self is nothing but shame, hate, depression, apathy and loneliness. That we are unlovable and will forever be worthless to everyone. But that is simply residue of their filth that we need more time to purge from ourselves, why we must go No Contact.
We have to remove the narcissist and their Flying Monkeys and Enablers from our reality. Isolate ourselves from the wwworld and rebuild our true selves back up, so we can remember who we used to be and who we fought to hold onto all through the relationshit, as they tried to obliterate our Ess-sense. Once we eventually educate ourselves, we finally find the answers to figure out what a narcissist is and what we are truly dealing with. We learn what narcissistic abuse is and all the characteristics involved in this Demonic program they play out on us.
We become angry at ourselves and them, and that’s a critical turning point for the trauma bond to start to lose its grip. Why their narc religions preach for us not to get angry, as it’s only the fire of rage and anger that can start to free you from the grip of these pathetic, weak, lying, coward bullies in empty flesh vessel suits.
A new level of healing starts once your power in your sense of self returns and you consciously mirror the mental and emotional abuse back onto them, fighting fire with fire. Like all bullies, they can dish out abuse, but never want to receive it.
All they know to do is lie to, manipulate and DIStroy others to feel a false sense of power and con-troll. They have no empathy to be able fix any damage they do and always revert to their immature, insecure, manipulative, controlling ways. Once you have moved through this period of fire fighting, you see how weak and pathetic they really are and any last fear or respect you once had for them dissipates.
The ridiculous lit-EL trembling creature behind the cloak of grandiosity gets revealed and you simply flick your hair over your shoulders and walk the fk away from their cess pit of Hell, never to look back. All the new supply in the world can never replace the unique Ess-scents they lost, that is you…
Hybrid narc Demons are born that way. It is not a DISorder, but they do indeed take their Orders from DIS.